signs depression: Compare and Despair

Compare and Despair

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SiblingsRecently Diagnosed?Diagnosis DictionaryMagazineCurrent IssueCustomer ServiceSubscribeRenewGive a GiftArchiveTestsPsych BasicsExpertsIndex of BlogsOur ExpertsPublic SpeakersMedia Interviews The Novel Perspective Life as a work in progress by Kim Schneiderman, LCSW Compare and Despair How to tackle the green-eyed monster Published on October 31, 2013 by Kim Schneiderman, L.C.S.W., M.S.W in The Novel Perspective Tweet email

A former dance teacher used to say, “Don’t bother comparing yourself to others. There will always be people better than you, and worse than you. The most important thing is to ask yourself, “Am I improving?”

Of course, this is often easier said than done. Not only are we constantly bombarded by advertisements preying on our insecurities, but recent studies show that social media sites actually feed jealousy by creating the illusion that other people are living happier, more fulfilled lives than our own. I say “illusion” because, as a Stanford University study seems to suggest, people often underestimate the discontent of others.

Most of us can expect to encounter the green-eyed monster from time to time. And while we may never truly slay the beast, the following tips can help keep it at bay:

1) Acknowledge your jealousy without judgment. Envy is a universal human emotion that is at least as old as the Bible itself. The more you can own your feelings, the less likely you’ll act on them.

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2) Get in touch with the aspiration and wishes underneath the envy. Are you jealous of your friend’s trip to Tuscany? Ask yourself what steps you might take to make travel plans of your own. It may take time, but setting an intention can point you in a positive direction.

3) Remember that each person has his or her own unique happiness recipe. Some people prefer roller coasters; still others would rather curl up with a book. Being attuned to your own life purpose, needs and accomplishments helps negate the need for comparisons.

4) Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to the person you were one year ago, five years ago or 10 years ago. Are you wiser, happier, more confident or peaceful? If so, take pride in your growth. If not, explore what has thrown you off course, or how you might improve your outlook.

5) An old saying goes, “Who is happy? He who is content with his lot.” Keep a daily gratitude list of the blessings in your life.

6) Volunteer. Helping those who are less fortunate will not only make you feel good, it will also keep things in perspective.

1 Reader comments join the discussion here! Kim Schneiderman, LCSW

Kim Schneiderman, L.C.S.W., is a psychotherapist in private practice on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

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